Writing

I know I’ll be a ghost

cuz when i’m dead on my feet

I roam this darkened house

and peer out towards the street

I know I’ll be a ghost

watch you when you sleep

like when you were a baby

and whisper something sweet.

I know I’ll be a ghost

drifting, room to room

I won’t do what I’m told

and stay in some shit tomb

I know I’ll be a ghost

my children shed their tears

move on with their lives

but I will linger near.

I know I’ll be a ghost

but not the common fears

I won’t make dogs growl

staring at empty chairs

I know I’ll be a ghost

like dust in a sunlit room

I’ll just float about

Until a breeze rushes through.

Your Leaving

We couldn’t talk then, but we can talk now

I’d have said I was sorry, if I only knew how.

And now you can see me, for all I am

Transparent, like you, but still a man.

My flesh and blood and all the flaws

But at least now you understand.

And maybe that dark spot no one could reach

Was your knowing of things beyond our speech.

So I talk to you now, as often as I want

And we laugh when tears say I cannot.

And so you’re brought back, by your leaving

And now I’m someplace beyond my grieving.

And now a year, since your going

I hope you can see your children growing

Because hope is all I have left for the both of us

Before I join you in the dust.

I don’t know

I don’t know why anymore

I used to

I don’t know how anymore

I used to

I have forgotten

I used to know the words

Now I hum

I used to be smart

Now I’m no fun.

I forgot how to cry

I forgot why

I used to know what it’s for

Now I don’t know anymore

I was waiting for something to start

I was waiting for my old friend

I look through old pictures

and just want it to end

I’m tired now and I can’t pretend.

I’m looking for a song

I’m looking for a chance

I’m looking for a girl

I was hoping we could dance

I know it’s just a waste of time

You know how it all hurts

You’ve known me all my life

You laughed as I chased skirts

And now times gone by

And now we’re both alone

Part of us wants to stay

Part of us wants home

As this place empties out

As the music starts to fade

I know what you’re owed

I know ‘cause I paid.

I’ll see you tomorrow night

You know I won’t be long

I know you’ll be all right

‘Cause I’m looking for a song.

If

If I wrote you a song, would you smile?

If you sang along, would you let your troubles go a while?

I’d die to lift your pain,

And I know for me you’d do the same

So if I wrote you a song, would you smile?

If I were a spider

I’d live under your bed

I’d never bite you

Just watch you instead

Keep away mosquitos

and other flying things

That bug you when your sleeping

with the wind and weather bring

Your windows are wide open

and with the warming spring

I’d fly so close to you

On my silky string.

That Night

It won’t leave me alone

That night, that night

That you left home

Been days and years

Since you were here

Why should I

Why should I cry

When it’s me that said goodbye

No pictures of you

No pictures of you and me

No pictures, no regrets

Our policy

Still there’s that night

Still there’s your face

Still Theres’ that night

My tears can’t erase

Walking

Walking down our wooded path

Numb down by our own soundtrack

Lonely for forgotten friends

Until we see our ashy end

And in the corner of our eyes

Flies the dust of your old lies

Maybe ghosts just to say

How the hell are you today?

Breathe in Beauty

Clouds or Sun

Choose your happy

Don’t stop to run

Drifting

Was that dust floating

in the corner of my eye

Or did what’s left of you

just go drifting by

Of all the things I hate about ghosts

Is you might be one, I hate the most

The memory of you I no longer fear

But the thought you might still be near

Wraps around me like a chilly coat

And dries the spit all in my throat

No matter where I am, when I feel a draft

I wonder if it’s you who’s drifting past

I wish my mind would finally purge

The last twitchy edgy urge

But no happy days or years of good times

Can bury your memory in my mind

So keep drifting far away

That we might enjoy our sunny day

And hold our children oh so dear

So someday, my drifting, they won’t fear.

Toast to Ancestors

All your life

All your work

All your love

All your hurt

All those years

Down to me

All the missed

opportunity

All your hope

All I can say

A life well lived

Each and everyday

I am your pillar

I stand tall and silent

Days in, nights out

You run and dance around me

In shiny sun filled days

I stand tall and Silent

Now as you sleep

Furtive eyes shut against

Hard days. I am your pillar

Year on you will leave

My shadow

And I will crumble

With just my plinth to remain

And I will still be your pillar,

just the same.

Please heart stop

Stop all your beating and I’ll drop on the spot

Please heart stop

I just want my soul to be free

By stopping I’d get to keep my dignity

So please heart stop

You’ve given me trouble for all these years

Now it’s time listen heart, I’m sick of tears

Please heart stop

Without you, I wouldn’t know where to go

But with you, you hurt me, you know it’s so.

So please heart stop

Martin Kitzel

Writing

Instructional Painting video